I started to realize my interest in women was a bit different in late elementary school and early junior high. I had a friend whose parents were more open to a child’s curiosity in the opposite sex. Needless to say at his house I had access to a wide array of men’s magazines. Like any other boy entering puberty I was enthralled with the anatomy of a woman but there was a difference. I didn’t just want to see the images, I wanted to be the images.
In those pages was also my first exposure to a person at the time a called transsexual. There was an article about work with hormones where men could grow breasts. I remember my thoughts at the time, I wanted to experience the same thing, and I wanted to be a girl.
I’d noticed in my younger years that women’s clothes were also different. The materials were soft and silky, there were many styles and overall they were more interesting than cotton shirts and blue jeans. I felt the materials every time I was in a department store and I certainly didn’t miss the lingerie section.
Lingerie, why are we drawn to it? Many think it is a perversion, sexual and nothing else. I see it different though. Sure it is sexy as hell, teasing in all the right ways, but it is also part of the variety of clothing that isn’t experienced as a male. There is something else along with the variety that draws us, it is a way we can get in touch with our feminine side and it is experienced in secret. It is an opportunity to feel feminine without anyone knowing, without casting judgement and shame. It is one of the first opportunities to feel closer to who we are. I won’t go into how I started out wearing lingerie, there are plenty of stories on the web that can fill in the blanks. I will only say that I never went back to how it was and I started my stash, my collection. I was in junior high when I purchased my first pieces of lingerie, a couple of Playmate satin panties and a teddy. I was scared to death heading to the register at the Target store. I wanted to get out of line as soon as possible to avoid the prying eyes that I knew were judging me. I was elated once my purchase was complete and I hurried to the restroom to put on the teddy and hide the underwear in my jacket pockets so that my mom wouldn’t see them. Purchases seem much easier today with automated check-out so prevalent. Soon I accumulated pantyhose from drugstores and other items as I found time to make the purchases.
I wore lingerie most days I didn’t have Gym Class, reveling in my little secret. At home I would dress in old women’s clothes filling the extra closet space. Washing would happen discretely in the bathroom sink and would be hung to dry in the back of the closet. and night-time was my chance to wear the fun stuff. Things went this way through high school, less often once I started dating.
Even when dating the topic of lingerie came up, one of my girlfriends Julie showed me a picture of a silk camisole and asked if I liked it. Of course I liked it, and it opened the door for conversation about what I would like to see her wear, little did she know I wanted to wear it too.